i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
