Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
