talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
