when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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