i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
