I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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