Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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