so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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