dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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