did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
