I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
