It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need to calm my uterus...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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