Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
