Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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