I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
