My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
