Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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