I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
3 2 1 whiskey
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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