just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
