apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
