then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
