We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
