i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize