he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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