I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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