Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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