go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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