I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
