She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
