So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize