Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
