No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize