i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
