it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
