Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
