What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I want her autograph on my taint
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
