If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
