Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
