The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
