Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
