i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
