This girl is more easily done than said...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
