Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
