My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
