I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
