I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
