I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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