16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize