if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
