Just cropdusted the office
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
