North Korea, Best Korea!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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