The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
