OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
