She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
