I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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