honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
