I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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