my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
