The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
