Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
