Acid is not a monday night drug
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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