i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
