i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
