so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
