I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
