Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
