Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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