i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it glows. i had to have it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
