Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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