I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
