wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
