Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
