Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
