Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
too bad you live with your parents still
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
