who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
