Duck Duck Cougar?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
