I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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