Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
