this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize