peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
