I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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