his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
