69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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