pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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