rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
