it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
operation have a gay friend backfired
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
