dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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